I want to share with you a few of the things I have learned this past year about relationships. Most of them are probably common sense and few (if any) will be a real revelation. But each one of these has greatly affected my life and has shaped me into who I am today. I am far from done growing spiritually and emotionally, but each of these things is an important step in me learning to live a happy, peaceful life, full of true friendships.
1. Friends change. This past year I have lost many friends, some due to distance, different places in life, and growing up, but others due to more painful circumstances. There were many times I felt alone. I felt like I was losing everyone I cared about and everyone who I had thought cared about me. But I have come to realize that the only times I cried alone were the times I chose to cry alone. True friends were always there, I just had to suck up my pride and go to them. Growing up happens, moving on happens, friendships change, and that is okay. It's healthy and normal and without it we would forever be stuck as the people we used to be. With the loss of some people I never thought I would lose, I have deepened relationships with people who truly care about me and wish the best for me and who I might never have become friends with without the loss of other people. Losing friendships has been a painful blessing in disguise.
2. Manipulation is never okay. If you find yourself feeling manipulated by a friend and they do not respect your honesty in speaking to them about it, you have the right to walk away. The person may not admit, or even realize they are manipulating you, but that is not what is important. Their intentions are not what matters, what matters is how it affects you. If you feel manipulated, their actions, no matter how innocent, must change or they are not thinking of your best interest. 
3. Always be kind. This is one I admit that I struggle with at times. It's so much easier to only think about oneself and not worry about how other people feel. But that is a selfish way to live one's life and it will never lead to happiness. I have seen some of my "friends", who are good Christian people, act in terribly unkind, unjust ways. I feel sick even thinking about how some of these people have treated others. Every single person is worthy of love, and has dignity. No one deserves to be treated poorly. Going out of one's way to say hi to a person you never particularly liked, or just didn't have much in common with, can be huge. Sure it can be uncomfortable for you, but it could make that person's day. And so to friends, family, acquaintances and strangers alike, be kind. Not a fake, plastic kindness, but a one that comes from a genuine love for all humanity. 
4. Forgiveness sets you free. But remember, forgiving and forgetting are separate things. Some offences should be forgotten, while others must be remembered. When a person hurts you and you can fully forgive them a sense of peace washes over you. You can feel God's grace lifting you up and healing you. Every single person deserves forgiveness. Holding grudges will never make you happy. But this is not to say you must forget all offenses and let yourself be walked on like a doormat. You are not a doormat, you deserve more respect than that. If a person has hurt you and you do not believe that they will truly try to never commit the same offense again, you have every right to not keep them in your life. You do not owe your friendship to anyone, it is a gift freely given, but if thrown in your face you are free to take it back. 
5. Be grateful for everything. When life goes against our plans we tend to complain and blame God even. But if we were to turn every complaint into a thanksgiving to God, can you imagine how happy we would be? Trust that God knows what He's doing, He will always give you the strength you need to carry your cross. He will never give you a burden you cannot carry. Trust in God, and trust yourself. It's alright to be upset and to hurt, but thank God for those emotions and you feel the burden become a little lighter. Thank God for the opportunities he gives you, no matter how unpleasant they may seem at the time. But also, don't forget God when life is going well. Remember to thank Him for the good and not to take it for granted.
I want to close this post with some thank you's. Some to God and some to friends and family.
Thank you God for the pain and hurt. Thank you for the lost friends. Thank you for the sadness and the sleepless nights. Thank you for the strength to overcome the trials you send to me. Thank you for the opportunities to learn and to grow as a person. Thank you for the true friends you send to me to help me and love me. Thank you for the undying love of my family. Thank you for the good interspersed with the bad. Thank you for the happy days full of love and joy. Thank you for everything. Thank you God for loving me.
~Alyssa
