Requiescat in Pace

Sometimes you're prepared other times you're not...

Late last night we got a call from one of my Nonna's friends in Italy, we understood that Nonna was in the hospital and not in a good condition, but as the friend only spoke Italian, we could not really understand. We finally got a hold of an American cousin who lives in Italy and is fluent in Italian and got him to contact the Hospital. After what felt like hours of waiting, and praying a Rosary, the phone finally rang...

Nonna was dead. She had passed away not long before that from a heart attack. 

We all broke down crying. It was unexpected. She was in good health other than her spine collapsing (due to polio at a young age) and putting pressure on her organs. She was always delicate, but strong at the same time. We knew she was getting on, but we thought she had more time. No one was expecting this, no one could quite comprehend it. 

My Nonna was an amazing person.

She moved to Italy not long after I was born. She felt at home there and wanted to go back to her roots. She came back for visits, but never moved back to the US. She loved Italy, she loved the culture. Sometimes, she could almost speak Italian better than English, or would slip Italian words into her conversations with us without even knowing it. 

She was an exceptional woman. At a young age she contracted polio (the year before the vaccine came out), she spent months in the hospital and in doctor's offices. At a young age she was put through tremendous pain and suffering. The doctor's said she would never be able to have children, and didn't expect her to be able to walk ever again. Well let me tell you this, she had eight children and walked her whole life, only rarely, later in life, using a wheelchair. If that isn't spunk and determination, I don't know what is. 

I remember, when ever she laughed, she always stuck her tongue out between her teeth a little bit. When I was a little, I wanted to laugh just like her and would mimic her. It was the most endearing laugh, it made you want to laugh with her. When I was little she patiently taught the oh so impatient granddaughter that I was to crochet. Oh the time it took. But she was always patient with me, and put up with my lack of focus. She always made me feel loved. She never judged, snapped, or looked disapproving. She always loved, supported and cared. She was the perfect Nonna.

I will always miss my Nonna.

I never got to say goodbye. We never know how long we have with our loved ones. Life is uncertain. I kept telling myself that I would see her when I went to Italy next year. I would hear all of her stories about Italy and our family, about all our relatives and the past. I would have plenty of time than to really bond with her and get to know her better. I used all of this as an excuse to not take the time to Skype with her when I was busy, not send her emails to update her on life, not take the time to ask her how she was.

I regret every moment I placed my busy schedule before her. I should have taken the time to listen to her stories and talk to her when I had the chance. I will never hear her voice again. I will never see her smile again. I will never feel her hugs again. I will never be able to speak with her again.

Time is short, life is not guaranteed. Go hug your loved ones, spend time with your grandparents, tell your family how much they mean to you. Every moment you spend selfishly, you will regret. Give your time generously to those who love you, you will be grateful when the time comes when you no longer can give them your time. 

I love you so much Nonna, I know you'll be in heaven soon if you already aren't. You were a beautiful, strong woman who inspired me more than I ever let you know. You suffered so much in this life, you deserve to be happy in the next. I wish I had spent more time with you,  I wish I had told you more often how much I loved you, I wish you had just a little more time on earth so I could have said goodbye. I miss you so much. I hope one day to see you again. But until then, I hope you are looking down on me and smiling. I love you. 



Please pray for the repose of the soul of my Nonna, Karen Prati.

Also, please keep my her siblings, children, grandchildren and friends in your prayers in this time of grief. Her funeral will be this Saturday, In Italy. Both my mother, and sister (and other extended family members) have flown over to make arrangements and attend the funeral. Please keep their safe travel in your prayers. 

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord.

And let perpetual light shine upon her.

May she rest in peace.

Amen.

May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,

through the mercy of God,

rest in peace.

Amen.

~Alyssa <3

Reflections on Love and Friendship

Much has happened over the past few months, some good, some bad. Some days it felt as though the bad far outweighed the good, but I have come to realize that no matter what may be weighing me down in life, no matter what painful situations may arise, no matter what discomfort I may experience, the good in life always outweighs the bad.

I want to share with you a few of the things I have learned this past year about relationships. Most of them are probably common sense and few (if any) will be a real revelation. But each one of these has greatly affected my life and has shaped me into who I am today. I am far from done growing spiritually and emotionally, but each of these things is an important step in me learning to live a happy, peaceful life, full of true friendships.


1. Friends change. This past year I have lost many friends, some due to distance, different places in life, and growing up, but others due to more painful circumstances. There were many times I felt alone. I felt like I was losing everyone I cared about and everyone who I had thought cared about me. But I have come to realize that the only times I cried alone were the times I chose to cry alone. True friends were always there, I just had to suck up my pride and go to them. Growing up happens, moving on happens, friendships change, and that is okay. It's healthy and normal and without it we would forever be stuck as the people we used to be. With the loss of some people I never thought I would lose, I have deepened relationships with people who truly care about me and wish the best for me and who I might never have become friends with without the loss of other people. Losing friendships has been a painful blessing in disguise.


2. Manipulation is never okay. If you find yourself feeling manipulated by a friend and they do not respect your honesty in speaking to them about it, you have the right to walk away. The person may not admit, or even realize they are manipulating you, but that is not what is important. Their intentions are not what matters, what matters is how it affects you. If you feel manipulated, their actions, no matter how innocent, must change or they are not thinking of your best interest.

3. Always be kind. This is one I admit that I struggle with at times. It's so much easier to only think about oneself and not worry about how other people feel. But that is a selfish way to live one's life and it will never lead to happiness. I have seen some of my "friends", who are good Christian people, act in terribly unkind, unjust ways. I feel sick even thinking about how some of these people have treated others. Every single person is worthy of love, and has dignity. No one deserves to be treated poorly. Going out of one's way to say hi to a person you never particularly liked, or just didn't have much in common with, can be huge. Sure it can be uncomfortable for you, but it could make that person's day. And so to friends, family, acquaintances and strangers alike, be kind. Not a fake, plastic kindness, but a one that comes from a genuine love for all humanity.

4. Forgiveness sets you free. But remember, forgiving and forgetting are separate things. Some offences should be forgotten, while others must be remembered. When a person hurts you and you can fully forgive them a sense of peace washes over you. You can feel God's grace lifting you up and healing you. Every single person deserves forgiveness. Holding grudges will never make you happy. But this is not to say you must forget all offenses and let yourself be walked on like a doormat. You are not a doormat, you deserve more respect than that. If a person has hurt you and you do not believe that they will truly try to never commit the same offense again, you have every right to not keep them in  your life. You do not owe your friendship to anyone, it is a gift freely given, but if thrown in your face you are free to take it back.

5. Be grateful for everything. When life goes against our plans we tend to complain and blame God even. But if we were to turn every complaint into a thanksgiving to God, can you imagine how happy we would be? Trust that God knows what He's doing, He will always give you the strength you need to carry your cross. He will never give you a burden you cannot carry. Trust in God, and trust yourself. It's alright to be upset and to hurt, but thank God for those emotions and you feel the burden become a little lighter. Thank God for the opportunities he gives you, no matter how unpleasant they may seem at the time. But also, don't forget God when life is going well. Remember to thank Him for the good and not to take it for granted.



I want to close this post with some thank you's. Some to God and some to friends and family.

Thank you God for the pain and hurt. Thank you for the lost friends. Thank you for the sadness and the sleepless nights. Thank you for the strength to overcome the trials you send to me. Thank you for the opportunities to learn and to grow as a person. Thank you for the true friends you send to me to help me and love me. Thank you for the undying love of my family. Thank you for the good interspersed with the bad. Thank you for the happy days full of love and joy. Thank you for everything. Thank you God for loving me.

  

To my family, thank you for always being there to listen to me and to give me advice. Thank you for holding me close while I cry on your shoulders. Thank you for not giving up on me when I'm exasperatingly slow at moving on from hurt. Thank you for loving me.

To my friends, thank you for not giving up on our friendships. Thank you for letting me get mascara stains on your shirts. Thank you for plotting adventures to cheer me up. Thank you for always being there for me to talk to when I'm upset. Thank you for offering to kick my haters butts. Thank you for always believing in me. Thank you for sticking around even when my life is messy. Thank you for loving me.

~Alyssa